Hanging On
by Progressing-in-life
Summary: Katniss is actually pregnant when she moves to District 13 with Peeta's baby. She has to try and survive without him but also become the Mockingjay
1. District 12

I stare down at my slightly bulged stomach placing my hand lightly on it, then looking at my shoes. I don't really think of much while watching layers of ash settle down on my worn leather boots. I stood at the foot of Prim's and my bed we have to share one which I'm familiar with in District 12 my home... At least it wasn't any more. Only a couple of steps away was our kitchen table, though we don't eat at it why was there any point in having a kitchen table in an apartment which was barely the same size as our old house in the seam.

My thoughts wander back to District 12 then, it was destroyed everything there apart from the victors village which seemed strange. The only reason I could come up with why they didn't destroy it was because of the odd reporter staying needing somewhere reasonable to stay.

No one is returning apart from me, only a brief visit. I guess they feel sorry for me for not getting Peeta out instead of me... _Peeta..._ The Father of the baby I'm carrying. I told my self I never wanted Kids because they would end up getting they names put in for the Games... But I guess that didn't matter now. _  
><em>

They all think it is pointless and costly of me going back to District 12 but given that there would be a dozen invisible hovercraft overhead for my protection, I didn't need protection at all. I was the _girl on fire_ I could look after myself but since I'm pregnant they wouldn't take any chances losing their precious Mockingjay.

Plutarch Heavensbee, the Head Gamemaker for the Quarter Quell also had organised the rebels in the Capitol that he threw his hands up saying,

"Let her go. Better to waste a day than another month. Maybe a little tour of twelve is just what she needs to convince her were on the same side. It's the least we owe her for leaving the boy behind."

_The same side. _Pain hits the left side of my temple and I gently press the tips of my fingers against it. The spot where Johanna Mason from District 7 had hit me with Beetee's coil of wire. Memories swirl around in my head as I try to sort out which is true or false. The concussion my Mother diagnosed me with hasn't completely gone yet and has the tenancy to jumble my thoughts together, making me have to take drugs which are not good for the baby but also makes me see things. I try not to take them as much since it could damage the form of my child, I'm surprised that I hadn't lost it when I destroyed the arena sending electric currents all through my body. Prim just told me the baby is tough just like me and I know she also wanted to say Peeta but she didn't want to hurt my feelings.

I use this technique which helps me get control of my thoughts most of time so I didn't have to take the drugs. I start with the simplest things I know or can remember which are true then make my way towards the more complicated stuff. It gets repeated in my head a lot of the time...

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. I'm 8 weeks pregnant. The Father is Peeta Mellark. I was in the Hunger Games. I survived. The Capitol hates me. Peeta was taken prisoner. He is thought to be dead. Most likely he is dead. It is probably best if he is dead along with the baby I'm carrying..._

"Katniss. Do you want me to come down?" Gale's voice reaches me through the headset the rebels I insisted I wear pulling me out of my daydream. He's up there in one of the hovercraft's... Watching me carefully, ready to swoop in if anything goes wrong.

I then realize I'm crouched down, elbows on my thighs, My head in my hands. I probably look as if I was about to breakdown, I wanted too... But I couldn't because the were finally weaning me off medication.

I straighten up and casually wave his offer away. "No. I'm fine. Don't worry." But he does worry, I know that he's my best friend. I slowly begin to walk away from my old house in the Seam to the town. Gale did ask to come down with me but I refused the company, I didn't particularly want any. He understands. Some walks you have to take alone.

It's summer here in District 12 leaving it to be scorching hot and dry as a bone, There's been no rain to clear away the piles of ash left here after the Capitol destroyed my home,

As I walk pass the piles of ash I keep thinking _I killed you. And you. And you. _Nothing can ease the pain of the loved ones lost here when they attacked but it was my fault this happened. All of it was my fault. My arrow aimed at the weakness in the force field surrounding the arena, that brought this firestorm of retribution and vengeance. That sent the whole country of Panem into chaos.

I walked through town and saw the blackened rubble that has replaced the justice building. I walked over to the approximate site of the bakery Peeta's family owned. Nothing much left but a melted lump of an oven. Peeta's parents his two older brothers - none of made it to 13. Fewer than a dozen escaped the fire and destruction. I guess it was true Peeta would have nothing to come home to. Except me and the baby...

I back away from the bakery and lose my balance then find myself sitting on a hunk of sun-heated metal. I think of what it might have been then. I remember Thread's renovations to the square. Stocks, whipping posts, and this, the remains of the gallows. No one really had recovered from that coming into District 12. Bad memories of thoughts bring a flood of images that torment me, awake or asleep. Peeta being tortured, drowned, lacerated, shocked, maimed and beaten. I needed to stop there or one of the others to come down to get me for crying saying it was too much for me.

I get up quickly and run and I keep running till I approach the Victors Village. The only thing that wasn't burned down. I bolt into the house I had been living in for the past year. It had been untouched. Why did I come back? How does visiting help me with anything but bring back a ton of memories that cannot be erased.

People keep talking to me in my ear, talking, talking and talking. They won't stop, that's the problem. Plutarch Heavensbee. His assistant, Fulvia Cardew. A few district leaders. But not Alma Coin, the president of District 13, she just watches as always. She's about fifty with grey hair that falls in an unbroken sheet to her shoulders.

They want me to take the role of the Mockingjay, the role they designed for me. I didn't want any of this. But they wanted me to become the actual leader, the face, the voice, the embodiment of the revolution. But I'm just a useless teenage girl pregnant with a boy who is lost forever...  
>Eventually I get up and leave the room, I was sick of all of this. As the door was closing behind me, I heard Coin say, "I told you we should have rescued the boy first You know she won't cooperate without the boy." Obviously meaning Peeta. I couldn't agree more. But if Peeta was in my situation he would be pissed off that they didn't rescue me or his unborn child.<p>

Who did they pull out of the arena instead? Me, who won't cooperate. Beetee, an inventor from 3, who we all rarely see since he was rushed down to weapons development the minute he could sit up. They just literally wheeled his hospital bed into some top-secret area deep underground. And I hated underground as it was. He only now shows up occasionally for meals. He's intelligent and willing to help the cause. Then there's Finnick Odair, the sex symbol from the fishing district, who kept Peeta alive in the arena when I couldn't... They want to transform Finnick into a rebel leader as well. But first they'll need to keep him awake for more than 5 minutes. You have to say everything to him 3 times to get his attention. Doctors say it's from the electrical shock from the arena.

Finnick's the same as me he can't focus on anything in 13 because he's trying so hard to see what's happening to Annie in the Capitol, the mad girl from his district who's the only person on earth he loves but in my case it's Peeta not knowing whether he's alive or not.

Reluctant to make any sound, I moved through downstairs on hunter's feet. I pick up a few remembrances: a photo of my parents on their wedding day for Mom, a blue hair ribbon for Prim, the family book of medical and edible plants. The book slips out of my fingers falling on a page with yellow flowers and I shut it quickly because Peeta painted them.

_What am I going to do?  
><em>About everything? Is there any point doing this? My family is safe and so is Gale's. How can I help any of the Districts? When I'm trying to repair my broken heart and heal from a concussion. Cinna... And that old man in 11 died because of me. I push the thoughts away into the back of my head since they are too painful to dwell on.

Who can I trust with a question that has been circuling my head? To become the Mockingjay... Could any good overcome all of this damage. I did have thoughts about running away again... but I had two pieces of unfinished business. Peeta. And the baby. If I knew for sure he was dead I could just take off then when the baby was born. Give it up. Let it be raised by someone else. I would never look back. But until I do, I'm stuck.

I find Buttercup looking fell fed. How did he survive this? I shrugged my shoulders.

"Want to see Prim?" I ask. Her name catches his attention. Besides his own, it's the only word that means something to him. He gives me a meow and walks over to me. I pick him up, stroking his fur, I go over to the cupboard and dig out my game bag and unceremoniously stuff him in. There's no other way to carry him onboard. In my headset, I hear Gale's voice telling me we've got to go back. As I sling the game bag over my shoulder it reminds me of one more thing. My Father's hunting jacket. It's a comfort to me knowing that it's still here and hopefully it would be a comfort when I have it in 13.

Before I head out the door my nose twitches and I can smell something cloying and artificial. A dab of white peeks out of a vase of dried flowers on my dresser. I approach carefully not knowing whether it could be another bomb. A fresh white rose stuck out from the dried out flowers and I knew exactly who sent it.  
>President Snow.<p>

I begin to gag at the stench. How long had it been here? A day? A week? An hour? I hoped the rebels did a security sweep to check if there was any bugs anything unusual. Perhaps it wasn't noteworthy to them but it was to me.

I rush out the door and onto the lawn to signal a hovercraft to send down a ladder. I step on and the current freezes me until I'm lifted on board.

Gale helps me from the ladder. "You all right?"

"Yeah," I say wiping the sweat off my face with my sleeve. And we head back to 13 but all I can think about is that President Snow might find me.


	2. Peeta

Compartment 307 or apartment 307 it didn't really matter what you called it, I hesitated at the door wondering if Mom or Prim would ask me questions about what I had seen.

"What will I tell them about twelve?" I ask Gale.

"I don't think they'll ask for details. They saw it burn like I did. They'll be worrying about how you handled it." I wish they didn't worry at all. Gale touches my cheek gently.

"I did handle it and I survived." I whisper pressing my face against his hand.I take a deep breath and open the door.

We have to follow a certain schedule now that we put our hand into a wall and it inks on what we have to do for the day. _7:00 Breakfast. 7:30 Kitchen Duties. 8:30 Education Centre, Room 17_. And so on until it's _22:00 Bathing_ where it would be washed off by the water. Then it would be lights out at 22:30 unless you were on the night shift. When I was in the hospital I didn't have to stick to the schedule. But I had to move in with my Mom and Prim so I had to get with the programme. Apart from showing up for meals though I ignore the words on my arm anyway. I just go back to the compartment or wander around 13 or fall asleep somewhere like an abandoned air duct. Behind the water pipes in the laundry room. But my favourite place is a storeroom in the Education Centre since no one needs school supplies I go there unseen.

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to get away with my complete disregard for the clockwork precision of attendance required by the hosts. But right now I can get away with it one because I'm pregnant and two because they have classified me as mentally disoriented, it says so right on my plastic medical bracelet everyone has to tolerate my ramblings. I know that it can't last forever. Also neither can their patience with the Mockingjay issue sadly.

It was about 18:00 meaning reflection half hour for peace and quiet before dinner. I saw their concern when I entered the room I was trying to hide my emotional state as much as I could. Before they can ask anything, I empty my game bag and it now becomes.

_18:00 Cat adoration._ Prim just sat on the floor weeping and rocking Buttercup, who gives me a couple of hisses in between purring. Buttercup gives me a smug look when Prim ties the blue ribbon around his neck, I wasn't bothered.

My Mother hugs the wedding photo tightly against her chest then places it next to the book, on our government issued set of draws. I take off my Father's jacket and hang it across the back of a chair. For a moment, the place almost looks like home. I guess going back to 12 wasn't a waste after all.

Gale and I are heading down to dinner when Gale's communicuff went off it basically was an oversized watch, but it receives print messages. Being given a communicuff was a special privilege that's reserved for those to important to the cause I was surprised I hadn't been given one yet. He received it by rescuing citizens of 12.

"They need the two of us in command." He says and I sigh deeply starting to follow him. I collect myself before I'm thrown into another relentless Mockingjay session. God I hated them. I lingered in the doorway of Command, the high-tech meeting/war council room complete with computerized talking walls, electronic maps showing the troop movements in various districts, and a giant rectangular table with control panels. No one notices me which is a relief. Though they are all gathered at a television screen at the far end of the room that airs the Capitol broadcast around the clock.

I'm thinking about slipping away when Plutarch, whose blocking the sight of the television when he spots me and urgently waves me over. I move forward trying to imagine how this could be of interest to me. It's the same mostly: War footage, propaganda, replaying the bombings of district 12, an ominous message from President Snow. It's nearly entertaining to see Caesar Flickerman, the eternal host of the hunger games, with the painted face and sparkly suit, preparing to give an interview. Until I see the camera being pulled back to show the guest which is Peeta.

"You're alive," I gasp and push the people aside until I'm right in front of him with my hand on the screen. I search his eyes for any sign of hurt or agony from the torture. But there's nothing. He looks healthy to the point of robustness, skin glowing, looking flawless in that full body polish. His manner is composed but also serious. I can't match this image with the image of the battered, bleeding boy who always haunt my dreams.

Caesar settles himself more in the chair across from Peeta and gives him a long look before he says something. "So...Peeta...Welcome back."

Peeta smiles slightly, "I bet you thought you'd done your last interview with me, Caesar."

"I confess, I did." Caesar replies, "The night before the Quarter Quell... well, who ever thought we'd see you again?"

"It wasn't part of my plan, that's for sure," Peeta frowns a little.

Caeser leans in to him a little, "I think it was clear to all of us that your plan would be to sacrifice yourself in the so that Katniss Everdeen your beloved and your child could survive." I move my other hand lightly to hold my stomach.

"That was it. Clear and simple." Peeta's fingers start to trace the upholstered pattern on the chair he was sitting in, "But other people had plans as well."

Well yes, other people had plans, I think to myself that Peeta might of guessed, then, how the rebels used us as pawns? That my rescue was arranged all from the beginning. Also how our mentor Haymitch Abernathy betrayed us both for a cause he pretended to have no interest in.

The silence that follows, I notice the lines forming between Peeta's eyebrows. He's probably been told. But surprisingly Capitol hadn't killed or tortured him. The morphling they gave me in the hospital, dulling the pain of the last weeks now runs through me strongly and I can barely feel the pain anymore.

"Why don't you tell us about that last night in the arena?" Caesar suggests. "Help us sort out a few things."

Peeta nods his head but what catches my eye is how long he took to start speaking. "That last night... to tell you about that last night... well, first if all, you have to imagine how it felt in the arena. It was like being an insect trapped under a bowl filled with steaming air. And all around you, jungle... green and alive and ticking. That giant clock ticking your life away. Every hour promising a new horror. You have to imagine that in the past two days, sixteen people have died, some of them defending you. At any rate things are going, the last eight will be dead by morning. Save one. The victor. And your plan is that it won't be you."

My body starts to break out sweat at the memory of the jungle scorching hot just like it was in 12, I can't believe me and the baby survived just one day of that heat. My hand feeling sticky and useless slides down from the screen and hangs limply by my side. Peeta didn't need a brush to paint images from the games. His words just works equally well.

"Once you're in the arena, the rest of the world becomes very distant," Peeta continues. "All the people and things you loved or cared about almost cease to exist. The pink sky and the monsters in the jungle and the tributes who want your blood become your final reality, the only one that ever. As bad as it makes you feel, you're going to have to do some killing, because in the arena, you only get one wish. And it's costly."

It costs your life," says Caesar.

"Oh, no. It costs a lot more than your life. To murder innocent people?" Peeta replies. "It costs everything you are."

"Everything you are," Casear repeats quietly just enough for everyone to hear. A hush fell over the room and I could feel it spreading across Panem. A nation leaning towards the screens. Because no one ever really talks about being in the arena.

Peeta goes on and I didn't want him to, because I knew what he was going to say. "So you hold on yo your wish. And that last night, yes, my wish was to save Katniss and our baby. But even without knowing about the rebels, it didn't feel right. Everything was too complicated. I found myself regretting I hadn't run off with her earlier in the day, as she had suggested. But there was no getting out of it at that point."

"You were too caught up in Beetee's plan to electrify the salt lake," says Caesar.

"Too busy playing allies with the others. I should have never let them separate us!" Peeta burst out. "That's when I lost her."

"When you stayed at the lightning tree, and she and Johanna Mason took the coil of wire down to the water," Caesar clarifies.

"I didn't want to!" Peeta flushes in agitation. "But I couldn't argue with Beetee without indicating we were about to break away from the alliance. When that wire was cut, everything just went insane. I can only remember bits and pieces. Trying to find her. Watching Brutus kill Chaff. Killing Brutus myself. I know she was calling my name. Then the lightning bolt hit the tree, and the force field around the arena... blew out."

"Katniss blew it out, Peeta," Caesar replies, "You've seen the footage."

"she didn't know what she was doing. None of us could follow Beetee's plan. You can see her trying to figure out what to do with that wire." Peeta snaps back. He was defending me.

"All right. It just looks suspicious as if she was part of the rebels all along." Caesar says.

Peeta was now on his feet, leaning in towards Caesar's face, hands gripped on the arms of Caesar's chair. "Really? And was it part of her plan for Johanna to nearly kill her? For that electric shock to paralyse her? To trigger the bombing." Peeta had turned towards yelling now. "She didn't know Caesar! Neither of us knew anything execpt that we were trying to keep each other alive!"

Caesar moves his hand onto Peeta's chest in a gesture that's both self protective and conciliatory. "Okay, Peeta, I believe you."

Peeta took a deep breath. "Ok." Peeta withdraws from Caesar, running his hand through his hair, mussing his carefully styled blond curls. He slumps back in his chair, distraught.

Caesar waits a moment, studying Peeta curiously. "What about your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?"

Peeta's expression on his face hardens slightly, "I don't know what Haymitch knew."

"Could he have been part of the conspiracy?" Caesar questions.

"He never mentioned anything." Peeta replies.

Caesar was obviously trying to anger Peeta in some sort of way, "What does your heart tell you?"

"That I shouldn't of trusted him, that's all." says Peeta.

I haven't seen Haymitch either since I attacked him on the hovercraft, leaving long claw marks all they way down his face. I know it's been bad for him too. District 13 strictly forbids any production or consumption of intoxicating beverages, and even rubbing alcohol in the hospital is kept under lock and key. Finally, Haymitch is being forced into sobriety, with no secret stashes or homebrewed concoctions to ease the transition. They've got him in seclusion until he's dried out, as he's apparently not deemed fit in public for display. It must be torturous but I lost all my sympathy for Haymitch when he deceived us by saving me instead. I hoped he was watching the Capitol broadcast no, so he can see that Peeta has cast him off as well.

Caesar pats Peeta's shoulder lightly, "We can stop now if you want."

"Is there more to discuss?" Peeta asks wryly.

"I was going to ask your thoughts on the war, but if you're too upset..." Caesar begins.

"Oh, I'm not too upset to anser that." Peeta takes a few deep breaths then looks straight into the camera. "I want everyone watching, whether you're on the Capitol or the rebel side, to stop for just a moment and think about what this war could mean. For human beings. We almost went extinct fighting one another before. Now our numbers are even fewer. Our condition more tenuous. Is this really what we want to do? Kill ourselves off completely? In hopes that, what? SOme decent species will inherit the smoking remains of the earth?"

"I'm not really sure I'm following..." says Caesar.

"We can't fight one another, Caesar." Peeta starts to explain. "There won't be enough of us left to keep going. If everybody doesn't lay down their weapons, and I mean, as in very so, it's all over, anyway,"

"So... You are calling for a cease-fire?" Caesar asks.

"Yes, I'm calling for a cease-fire." says Peeta tiredly. "Now why don't we ask the guards to take me back to my quarters so I can build another hundred card houses?"

Caesar turns to the camera. "All right. I think that wraps it up. So back to our regularly scheduled programming." Music plays them out and I take a deep breath. Then a women appears on the screen saying there's expected to be shortages: fresh fruit, solar batteries, soap. I watch her curiously because I know everyone will be waiting for my reaction from the interview. But there is no one I can process this all quickly enough - the joy of seeing Peeta alive and unharmed, his defence of my innocence in collaborating with the rebels and his undeniable complicity with the rebels. It made it sound like he was condemning both sides in he war. But at this point there was only minor victories for rebels, a cease-fire could only result in a return to our earlier status. Or worse.

Behind me, I could hear the accusations against Peeta building up. The words traitor, liar and enemy bounce off the walls. This was just gonna stress me out even more if i kept listening to this so the best thing I could was to to clear out.

As I reach the door, Coin's voice raises above the others. "You have not been dismissed, Soldier Everdeen." Who cares? I just wanted to get out of here. One of Coin's men puts a hand on my shoulder. It's not a aggressive move, really but after being in the arena. I react defensively to the unfamiliar touch protecting me and the baby, I jerk my shoulder free and take off running down the halls. There's sound behind me but I don't bother to look back. I do a quick inventory of my hiding places that only Gale knew about or he would find me. I wind up in the supply room curled against a crate of chalk.

"He's alive," I whisper, pressing one hand against my stomach and my other against my cheek. I felt my smile, that\s wide enough to look like a grimace. Peeta's alive. _Here that baby your Father's alive._ But he is a traitor but also at the moment I don't care. Not what he says or what he says for it, only that he is still capable of speech.


	3. Decisions

After a while, the door opens quietly and someone slips in. Gale slides down beside me, his nose trickling blood. What had he done now?

"What happened?" I ask curiously.

"I got in Boggs's way," Gale replies with a shrug, I use my sleeve to wipe off the blood from under his nose, "Watch it!"

I try to be a little gentler but being gentle isn't really a thing I'm good at. "Which one is he?" I ask.

"Oh, you know. Coin's right-hand lackey. The one who tried to stop you from leaving before." He pushes my hand away trying not to be rough. "Quit it! Or you'll bleed me to death."

The trickle of blood had now turned into a blood flow stream. I now give up the first-aid attempts, I'll just leave that to Mom and Prim. "You fought with this guy?" I questioned Gale.

"No, just blocked the doorway when he tried to follow you. His elbow caught me in the nose." Says Gale.

"They'll punish you," I reply.

"They have already," Gale holds up his wrist which is missing the communicuff, I stare at his bare wrist in silence; not sure at what to say back to him. "Coin took it." Gale sighs.

I bite the inside of my lip a little and try not to burst out laughing. It seemed so ridiculous, "I'm sorry, Soldier Gale Hawthorne."

"Don't be, Soldier Katniss Everdeen." He gives me of his big grin, "I felt like a jerk walking around with it on anyway." We both start laughing. It felt nice to laugh again. I hadn't in a while. "I think it was quite a demotion." This is one of the few good things that I have in 13. Getting my best friend back. With the pressure of the Capitol's arranged marriage between Peeta and me gone though it did seem logical to get married when I am pregnant with his baby. Gale and I have managed to regain our friendship. He doesn't push it any further like try to kiss me or talk about love. Either I've been too sick or he's just willing to give me some space, or he know it's just too cruel with Peeta in the hands of the Capitol. Whatever is the case, I've just got someone to tell my secrets to again.

"Who are these people?" I say.

"They're us. If we'd had nukes instead of a few lumps of coal." Gale answers.

"I like to think Twelve wouldn't have abandoned the rest of the rebels back in the Dark Days," I reply.

"We might have. If it was that, surrender, or start a nuclear war." Says Gale. "In a way, I guess it is remarkable they survived at all."

Maybe because I still have the ashes of my own district on my shoes, but for the first time, I give the people of District 13 something I had always withheld from them: Credit. For staying alive against all the odds. It must be horrible to think of what it could have been like after the bombings having to huddle in the chambers beneath the ground. Population decimated, no possible ally to turn to for aid. Over the past seventy-five years, they've learned to be self sufficient, turned their citizens into an army, and also built a new society without having any help or telling anyone. They would've been even more powerful if that pox epidemic hadn't flattened their birthrate and made them so desperate for a new gene pool and breeders. Maybe they are militaristic, overly programmed and somewhat lacking a sense of humour. They are here though and brave enough for wanting to take on the Capitol.

"Still it did take them a long enough time to show up." I pointed out,

"It wasn't simple. They had to build up a rebel base in the Capitol, get some sort of underground organized in the districts," he says."Then they needed someone to set the whole thing in motion. They needed you,"

"They needed Peeta, too, but the seem to have forgotten that," I say trailing off.

Gale's expression seems to darken. "Peeta might have done a lot of damage tonight. Most of the rebels will dismiss what he said immediately, of course. But there are districts where the resistance is shakier. The ceasefire's clearly President Snow's idea. But it seems so reasonable. Coming out of Peeta's mouth."

I don't want to ask because I'm afraid of Gale's answer but I ask anyway. "Why do you think he said it?"

"He might have been tortured. Or persuaded. Or threatened, they could have threatened to assassinate you and his kid. My guess though is that he made some sort of deal to protect you. He'd put forth the idea of the cease-fire if Snow let him present you as a confused pregnant girl who had no idea what was going on when she was taken prisoner by the rebels. This way, if the districts lose, there's still a chance of leniency towards you. That's only if you play it right," I must still look a bit confused because Gale delivers the next line very slowly. "Katniss... he's trying to keep you and the baby alive."

_If he was trying to keep me alive, he had a strange way of expressing it. _But then I understand. The Games are still on. We've left the arena though Peeta and I weren't killed his last wish was to keep my life and the baby's life still stands. His idea is to have me lie low, stay safe and imprisoned until the war plays out. Then neither side would have a reason to kill me. And Peeta? If the rebels win, it will be disastrous for him. But if the Capitol wins, who know? Maybe we'll be both allowed to live, only if I play it right and to watch the games go on...

images flash through my mind: the spear piercing Rue's body in the arena, Gale hanging senseless to the world on a whipping post, the corspe-littered wasteland for my home. And was what it all for? For what? As my blood turns hot, I remember other things. The glimpse of an uprising in District 8, they were one of the first districts to turn against the Capitol, The victors locked hand n hand the night before the Quarter Quell. And how it was no accident, my shooting that arrow into the weakness of the force field in the arena. How badly I wanted it to lodge deep in to heart of my enemy. President Snow.

I spring up quickly while upsetting a box of about a hundred pencils, sending them scattering around the floor making a loud noise well it seemed like a loud noise to me because of my artificial ear and pregnancy hormones.

"What is it?" Gale asks as I bend down.

"There can't be a cease-fire," I fumble through the pencils trying to shove them back into the box, '"We can't go back," not ever.

"I know," Gale helps a bit by sweeping up a handful of pencils and taps them on the floor lightly into a perfect alignment.

"Whatever reason Peeta had for saying those things, he's wrong and you know it as well as I do Gale." I get angry at the pencils which I now call sticks and snap several in frustration.

"I know, give it here. You're breaking them to bits." Gale pulls the box out of my hands and refills it with swift, concise and accurate motions.

"He doesn't know what they did to Twelve. If he could've seen what was on the ground-" I start to say.

"Katniss, I'm not arguing. If I could hit a button to kill every living soul that works for the Capitol, I would do it you know. Without hesitation." He slides the last pencil carefully into the box then shuts the lid placing it on top of the crate of chalk. "But the question is what are you going to do Katniss?" It turns out the question that's been circulating my head had only ever had one possible answer. But it took Peeta's ploy for me to recognize it.

_What am I going to do?_

I take a deep breath, raising my arms slightly - as if recalling the black and white wings Cinna had made for my Mockingjay costume - then they come back to rest at my sides.

"I'm going to be the Mockingjay."


	4. Requests

9 weeks pregnant today, I guess I should feel a little happy but I don't really. All I can think about is throwing up and that meeting later with Plutarch and Coin. That was going to be fun... Also Mom wanted to do an ultrasound since she was curious like the other doctors how this miracle baby of Peeta and mine survived.

As I walked to through the underground base of District 13, I thought about how I told Peeta anything to keep my mind off the events for today and the thought of him being tortured...

_I had resorted to pacing it did help a little bit but that depended on the situation. I was waiting for Peeta to get back from town since he visited his parents weekly and the rest of the time he was either baking, painting or trying to sober up Haymitch. I was in agony. It was a stupid, terrible and reckless mistake of mine. I'd been avoiding Peeta like the plague ever since it happened until now. _

_I looked up to Peeta walking into the Victors Village he smiled a little when he saw me I guess he had been trying to avoid me as well... "Hey Katniss." Peeta kept his smile on and we were only standing meters apart._

_"Peeta... Can we talk?" I hesitated a little, he nodded his head and we walked through the snow to his house. We entered his house and I saw Peeta's confused expression. We walked into a sitting area and he offered a chair to me which I ignored._

_"What did you want to talk about?" Peeta asked being direct probably wanting to get this conversation over and done with as soon as possible and so did I._

_I wasn't really the type to deliver news slowly, "I'm pregnant." I sighed not wanting to go on more and wanting to leave this house. I looked at his face turn from angry to upset to confused to happy it was unbearable to watch from my eyes._

_"Your sure it's mine?" That's his question! _

_"Who else? Why would I jump into bed with my best friend!" I was still unsure about my feelings for them both but for the rest of my life Peeta was kind of stuck in it. _

_"Do you have feeling for me?" What brought all this up? I tried to avoid his gaze but got caught up in it anyway like I always have since we got back from the victory tour..._

We never resolved that conversation between Peeta and me we just got too caught up in District 12 and it's problems: Like Thread whipping Gale, the Quarter Quell also thinking about running away. I was seriously considering it after they announced the Quarter Quell and telling Peeta about it. I arrived at the hospital and Mom found me she pulled me to a quiet corner in the hospital where a machine was set up it was called an ultrasound machine though we never had one in District 12 I saw it in the Capitol once. Mom squirted something cold onto my stomach and put something on my stomach so it would show up on the screen.

"There it is, there's your little miracle." Mom pointed at the screen, I didn't want to look because I didn't want to get my hopes up.

"Mom... There's still a chance I'm going to lose it." I whispered, she smiled a little and I saw some tears coming out of her eyes.

"Yes, but it's going to be the first grandchild in this generation." If it made it to term...

"It's okay to talk about me losing it because I've gotten used to the fact." I replied to Mom but I knew she didn't want to hear that..."Hey Mom, can we listen to the heartbeat?" I asked to cheer her up a little and she nodded her head.

I heard it, I heard the miracle heartbeat that would astonish doctors it was a little flutter. I wished Peeta was here...

X

Gale and I finished breakfast quickly and headed to the command room something I had dreaded since I woke up and put on the same green t-shirt and trousers but I tucked my shirt into the waist which showed off my tiny bump but what I kept on touching briefly through breakfast was Peeta's token the gold necklace which he gave to me on the beach it had pictures of everyone I loved in their. I missed him though I didn't want to admit that, Prim noticed it and she gave me some advice on it this morning.

_Ask for Peeta's Immunity _

It kind of stuck in my head also get immunity for the other Victors like Johanna and the one from the career pack and of course Annie for Finnick, he's going out of his mind not knowing what they could be doing to her.

"Hey, Katniss you still awake in there?" Gale asked clicking his fingers in front of me with a worried expression on his face,

"Yes, I was daydreaming thinking what I'm going to say at command. Will you come with me?" I asked, Gale would be great support if he was there with me.

"Sure anything to get out of a Nuclear History class though they could kick me out like yesterday." I'd rather not think about yesterday, seeing Peeta like that in the Capitol with Caesar...

"You might wanna add Buttercup for Prim's sake." Making a mental note, the cat that hated me but loved Prim.

We arrived at Command and Coin, Plutarch also a load of their people were assembled. Bigger crowd turned out than I thought there would be.

I could barely say anything since my thoughts had gone into scrambled mode it wasn't really the perfect timing. I asked for a piece of paper which was handed to me by Coin, I sat down at the table and started to write out what I was going to say. _Buttercup for Prim. Hunting for me and Gale _Gale thought it would help. _Peeta's Immunity announced in public as well as the other victors. Annie for Finnick. _

Did I need anything else? I couldn't think straight but managed to write another word _Gale _I wasn't really sure if I could do this without him. The headache was coming I felt it so I had to shut my eyes and recite my memories.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. I'm 9 weeks pregnant. My home is District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. I survived. The Capitol hates me. Peeta was taken as a prisoner. He is alive. He is a traitor but alive. I have to keep him alive as well as it for my sake..._

I hadn't realised I was moving the pencil across the page and I opened my eyes to see _I KILL SNOW _written in bold capital. Well I did want the privilege of killing him after what he's done to all of us.

"You done there?" Plutarch asked grunting, I looked up at the clock well I had sat here for 25 minutes. Maybe Finnick isn't the only one with attention problems after all.

"Yeah," My voice sounded so dried up and crocky, I had to clear my throat before I spoke again. "I've made up my mind, I'll be the Mockingjay." I waited briefly to hear the gasps and throat clearing through the room before I spoke again. "I have conditions though." I smooth out the piece of paper under my fingers which was creasing by the minute. "My Sister gets to keep Buttercup the cat." This little ask had seemed to create an argument. But it was smoothed out by us getting to move into higher up apartment with a few adjustments like a window for Buttercup to get in and out. But if he caused any trouble he would be shot on site and when that did happen I would probably feel sorry for the cat. Leading onto my next request... "I want to start hunting again with Gale in the woods. We wouldn't go that far..."

"We'd use our bows and anything that we catch we would give to the kitchen." Gale chipped in. "Being stuck down here and all is a bit suffocating." He took the words right out of my mouth.

Then the arguing came with Plutarch talking about the dangers and the risk of injuries especially since I'm pregnant. I could take care of myself. Finally Coin makes him shut up. "Give them 2 hours a day it can be deducted from training time, quarter mile radius with ankle trackers. Next request?"

"Gale. He needs to do this with me." I reply.

"What do you mean? Off Camera? By your side? Would you like him to be presented as your new lover?" Seriously! I'm pregnant with a traitors child why would I ever want to make Gale my new lover?

"I think we should keep going with the current romance. her going to Peeta's opposition would lose her sympathy with the audience." Plutarch starts to say and finishes off with. "Since she is pregnant with his child."

"Alright. So Gale on-screen will be presented as a fellow rebel. That will be alright won't it?" I just stare Coins since I had nothing to say to her.

"We could always work him in as your cousin." Fulvia interrupts it did happen before after the first hunger games.

"Were not cousins." Gale and I say at the same time a bit too harshly.

"But we should probably should keep that pretence up on-screen though. Off Camera he's yours. Anything else?" Seriously what did they think I am.

"After the war is finished and only if we win. Peeta is going to be pardoned." Maybe I should of told Gale before since I felt his body tense. "No form of punishment will be required or inflicted. The same goes for Johanna and Enobaria." That was her name Enobaria the one from the careers pack that used her teeth to kill victim me thinking about it made me want to throw up in my mouth. But frankly I didn't care that much about what they do with her.

"No." Coin replies in a flat tone.

"Yes!" I shoot back at her ten times harsher. "It is not their fault you abandoned them in the area! WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY DOING TO THEM." I shouted at them but calmed down my voice so they wouldn't sedate me.

"They will be treated as the tribunal sees fit," Coin says.

I stand up and bang my fists on the table. "They will be granted immunity! Or you can find yourself another Mockingjay!" I let my words hand in the air before I sit back down in the chair since I felt rather dizzy.

"That's her!" I hear Fulvia hiss. What was she on about? She continues. "I can imagine it now right there. Her with the costume and gunfire in the background."

"Is that your last request, Soldier Everdeen?" Coin asks in a subtle tone.

"No, one more thing. I kill Snow." It felt nice to say those words out loud for once and I saw the hinted smile on Coin's face.

"When the time comes we'll flip for it." She says. I scruple up the piece of paper and shove it into my top pocket that's on my shirt. And I reply...

"Fair enough."

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own anything all rights go to the author <strong>


	5. The Announcement

I was holding in my hands Cinna's work. My uniform for the rebellion. He was part of it. I smiled a little as I opened up the black sketchbook.

"Katniss, we are aware about your mixed feelings but we hoped this would help." Plutarch says. I didn't want to flip through the pages since it felt to precious to damage. But curiosity always gets the better of me sometimes. I looked at the first page and saw me in a black uniform. He'd ajusted it to fit my situation which I smiled at a little since Cinna was the first person I told about the baby.

"He made us all promise not to show it to you until you had decided. I was even tempted myself." Plutarch admitted. "You can flip through, Cinna didn't want it to be left untouched."

I saw all the detail and effort he had put into this and I only regret one thing that he didn't get to see my reaction seeing these designs. I finally turned to the last page, he'd drawn my token: the Mockingjay pin. But underneath I noticed _I'm still betting on you._

"He started to design them before the games but after they announced the Quarter Quell. We've brought the sketches to life, we made the uniforms. Also Beetee has something waiting for you down in the armoury." Plutarch read my mind. So Cinna was apart of it after all and he hid it from me well.

"You'll be the best dressed rebel in history they won't know it's coming." Gale says hinting a smile from the corners of his mouth. He was like Cinna, he's been waiting for my answer all this time.

"Now Katniss, the plan is to do a Airtime Assault. Trying to make a serious of something we call propos which is short for propaganda spots. They will be featuring you then we'll get Beetee to broadcast them to everyone in Panem." Plutarch explained. They had been thinking about this before I had made my decision I'm sure if I said no they would probably get Finnick to do it but he was in no right state to do it.

"So by doing this were...?" Gale asked sitting beside me, I hadn't noticed he had moved there.

"Insulting the Capitol?" I questioned Plutarch.

"Right. Now we have another surprise for you. You can come in." Plutarch said a little louder and a person in a green t-shirt and trousers walked in.

Effie. Effie Trinkit. She looked so different with barely any make-up and no wigs on. She still had something covering her head so we didn't see her true hair colour. She just smiled at me.

"Effie." I smile a little getting up from the chair and going around to hug her.

"Hello Katniss." She kisses me on the cheek, I hadn't seen her since the Capitol. Effie a rebel, who would have thought of it.

"Effie, is going to do your hair and make-up for the propos." I nodded my head and I was grateful another person I was familiar with was here.

X

Later on in the day we were allowed to go hunting. We were allowed above ground for once, I was sick of looking at these dark and grim tunnels though they were lighted with dull lights. Gale and I run to armoury like we were 11 once again but I felt dizzy and breathless meaning I wasn't fully recovered and I needed to be more careful because of the baby. I was finally calling it the baby now since there was nothing else that I could call it.

They put on our ankle trackers and give us comunicuffs which Gale knows how to work so that will be helpful. Then I finally get hands on my bow again, it all felt right again me holding my bow, weightless and perfect. The only downside is that we have to stick to our radius which is a rule I'm going to abide by since the closet medical help is in 13.

I fell down about two or three times because I was excited. "You need to be more careful, Catnip." Gale says helping up me up chuckling, I punched him in the stomach playfully meaning he wouldn't hurt me back.

"Did you know about Effie coming to 13?" I asked Gale curious to know.

"No, I was just surprised as you were. Katniss... you know you can tell me what's on your mind. I won't tell." Gale was my best friend and I did want to tell him but I couldn't.

"I'll keep that in mind, do you think we'll survive all of this though? District 13, President Snow and me being the Mockingjay." I ask.

"Sure, we can survive anything. You know that more than anyone Katniss. What's brought all of this on?" Gale questions back.

"I'm a curious person, you know that." I reply.

"Catnip, just keep in mind you're not unbreakable... Especially in your condition." Gale says.

"I'll be just fine, don't you worry." I whisper and we continue to hunt.

Finally we return to the Kitchen and hand everything that we caught to Greasy Sae. I think she likes District 13, even though she's getting along with the cooks that are lacking imagination.

Feeling really exhausted, I wanted to sleep for once and I wasn't going to let nightmares take over my mind. I head back to the compartment and see it empty remembering that we had moved to compartment 307 because of Prim's cat. The cat that hated me.

My head hit the pillow softly though it hurt for a few seconds afterwards and I don't remember anything after that except for my eyes closing.

Next thing I know is Prim is waking me up for _Reflection_ meaning it was 18:00 afterwards we had dinner and I was actually hungry for once.

Prim tells me something useful saying that they've announced an assembly been doing since lunchtime, did I even eat lunch today? I can't remember.

I follow Prim into a huge room that could easily hold more than a thousand people. But you can tell it was built for something bigger maybe It was held once before the pox epidemic. Prim silently points out the scars that some people have on their bodies still.

"They've suffered a lot more than we have." Prim whispers but to be honest since this morning I was in no kind of mood to feel sorry for District 13.

"It's no more than we've had in twelve." I remind her, she rolls her eyes and my eyes revert to my mother guiding out a group of mobile patients still wearing nightgowns and robes.

Finnick was among them looking really dazed but handsome still, this is the first time I had seen him up and about. He hands a piece of rope that he keeps in them wherever he goes to distract him from everything around him. I watch him carefully tie a knot rapidly, automatically tying then unravelling all various as he just stares down at the rope. He's one of the very few that could do an hangman's knot. I remember him coming up to me in the training centre and showing me. I hated him then but he's grown on me like he grows on everyone but this Finnick is different from any other. He's broken.

I hadn't realised my feet had walked me across towards Finnick, he hadn't noticed me at all. "Hey, Finnick." I don't seem to spark his attention so I have to nudge him a little. "Hey, Finnick. How you doing today?" I ask and he grabs a hold of my hand, he smiles a little probably to see a familiar face around here.

"Do you know why were all meeting here?" I guess Finnick didn't get the memo being stuck in hospital.

"I told Coin, I'd be their Mockingjay and made her promise to give the other victors immunity. In public so everyone knew and was up to date." I tell him.

"Good. Because I do worry about Annie and what there doing to her in the Capitol." Annie! That's who I had forgotten about and I even wrote it down on the piece of paper. "They say she constructed some traitorous plot without knowing about it." Finnick tells me.

I squeeze Finnick's hand telling him not to worry, "I took care of it." I look over at Coin, who had reverted to reading her statement though I knew she was looking at me. I was approaching the podium and she raised her eyebrows slightly. "I need to add Annie Cresta to the immunity list." It's the least I could do for Finnick after he kept Peeta alive and he had lost Mags as well.

"Who's that?" Coin frowns slightly, she didn't know about the poor mad girl.

"She's Finnick Odair's friend, well there more than friends but she's from District 4. She's a victor and was arrested for no reason when the arena blew up." For all I knew Annie was an Innocent sweet girl who had fallen in love with Finnick Odair and he had fallen for her.

"Oh! That poor mad girl. It won't be necessary. We don't make any habits of punishing the weak and frail." Coin replies, so she did know about Annie.

"Well, then it shouldn't be a problem to add Annie." I didn't trust Coin at all.

"Alright..." I watched her write it in pencil on her piece of paper just to make sure then I return to Finnick and smile at him.

We watch as Coin announces Peeta, Johanna, Enobaria and Annie will be granted immunity when they return. Hopefully that would be soon. She also told them me accepting to be the Mockingjay. I just now hope that i don't regret my decision now. It causes a bit of unrest in the audience with the immunity but Coin assures them I'm committed to the cause or the immunity would be gone if I stepped out of line. In other words if I do something wrong me and the baby would be dead without hesistation but now I reliase.

I am committed to the cause.


	6. Weapons

Well, at least I got some sleep in last night though I had a nightmare about Peeta being killed those were the worst nightmares. I hated them the most.

The day seems to go by rather fast since I was excited to go down to Special Defence and see Beetee again. I knew Finnick would jump at the chance to go down their and let all his anger out but he couldn't leave the hospital.

We enter what looks looks like an underground basements with a training area to test out the new weapons, I couldn't wait to get my hands on something to try out.

"They are magnificent, are they not?" Beetee asks as I look at a weapon he was holding. It was shaped a bit like wings.

"Only if I could build wings, for Katniss Everdeen!" Beetee has a smile on his face which I'm glad to see a familar face expression I haven't seen in a while.

"I don't think I would be able to manage them being pregnant and all, Beetee." I let out a small laugh.

He wheels himself to a desk which on top has a load of different sets of crossbows with bow and arrows.

"How's Finnick doing today?" Beetee asks.

"Umm... good I think though he's having concentration problems." I didn't really want to say that he had a mental breakdown without the person he loves since he and I were in a sort of same situation.

"Concentration issues... If you knew what Finnick has been put through for the last few years. You would be suprised at how he is still with us all. But tell him I'm working on a trident for him, so he has a distraction even for a little while." I think that would help him though it would be the last thing on his mind, I would tell him when I next saw him.

"Gale... Do you want to try out this crossbow, I've made for you?" Beetee changes the subject all of a sudden.

"You sure?" Gale asks.

"Well, it would look great part of Katniss' team in the propos. I thought it would suit you." Beetee replies.

"Sure," Beetee hands him a black crossbow and Gale approaches the saftey line for the target up ahead. I watch how he handles the crossbow and watch the arrow hit the target bursting out in flames.

"And for you Katniss." I turn back and look at the bow and arrow just staring out at me to pick up.

"They wanted me to make you an accessory but I couldn't do that, I thought what if you needed it you can't really use a fashion accesory to defend yourself. So I let my imagination go and made into a real bow and arrow. Do you want to try it?" I noticed the arrows were colour coded between red, yellow and green.

I took out the red arrows and pulled it into position when Beetee stopped me, "Ah... Katniss, let's save the red ones for the outside shall we?" Beetee took the red arrow and gave me a green colour coded one instead. I shrugged my shoulders and loaded in the green arrow, I breathed in and out before letting it fly to the target and when it did it made a small explosion kind of like Gale's did but mine was smaller.

I loved my new weapon though I would still use the weapon that my father made for me still use it to hunt. Overall Beetee looked like he was coping well in 13 while the rest of us weren't.

* * *

><p>Merry Christmas! I'm sorry it's short, I'm trying to update all my stories before Christmas Day as well as being busy since it's Christmas. I'm thinking I might bring Peeta back in the next chapter maybe in another interview or after bring all the victors back to 13...<p>

Well you know the drill. Review, favourite and follow :]


End file.
